Loose Marbles

First comes acceptance then comes your closure.

I think I’ve spent way too much time minding other people’s opinions. Family, friends, random people… Ive decide from this day on to simply not give a shit anymore what anyone thinks. Because I find that the people with the strongest opinions are usually the ones that are the least involved in your life. I’ve decided that I just can’t think about what anyone thinks of me. I can’t think of one reason why I should.

There’s only one life, and I’m just not going to live it for anyone other than for me.

#fuckyouropinions

ALL CONTENT STATED HERE ARE FROM MY OWN OPINION/POV.

Fathers

I wish men knew how important their part in their children’s lives were. Daughters and sons, every child needs both parents to teach them different things. Growing up, my mother had me way too young. She didn’t know what to teach a child, because she was a child. Didn’t know how to prepare me for adulthood, sex and dating. My father took his free pass… out of doing his half in raising me. In turn, I assumed his absence has a lot to do with my problems with the opposite sex in my adult life. I was never shown an example of what to accept from a man. I was never protected from men preying on me. Sometimes I wonder if my struggle with dating are simply “daddy issues”? Whatever daddy issues are. Codependency may be a better term. Stepping back and looking at the things I’ve tolerated, I wonder, had my father been present to teach me better, would I have?

I won’t lie and say that I don’t have this little pang in my heart when I think about my fathers lack of involvement in my life. Or that I don’t feel disappointed that I never got to experience a father daughter dance with him, I can’t pick up the phone and call him, I can’t go to him for a hug or encouragement, I can’t have him there to wipe tears away after a broken heart. I don’t have his medical history, to inform my doctors of family health issues. I was embarrassed that I couldn’t even say I knew his name.

So I wonder if fathers know the importance of their roles in their children’s lives? I could never understand a man who’d knowingly abandon a child, but I see it every day. I think that it’s unfortunate. I wish I had the answers…

Sometimes, you just wanna get off work and let out all the curse words you’ve been holding in all fucking day long. Though I’m sure my face will let on to how annoyed I’ve been.